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I do not measure up to the world’s image of a man. I don’t like rugby. I bake cakes. I am pitiful at DIY and now, after recent events, I am forced to admit that I can’t even repair a punctured bike tyre. Now I have been really unlucky with this tyre, it has been deflated a number of times. Also deflated is my ego at each failed attempt to repair it. Usually after working up an anger to rival 5 aside fury I give in and buy a new inner tube. So when I came to load my bike into the car for a weekend away at Center Parcs and found the tyre, yet again, flat, you would have thought I’d have rushed to the shop and got a replacement tube. After all that would have been the sensible thing to do wouldn’t it? But nooooooooooo! Not me. You see I take each punctured tube not as bad luck or misfortune, but a direct attack on my total ineptitude at practical masculine, and somewhat simple, tasks.
The tiny hole that allows that air to bled from my steed is not just creating another job for me to attend to, but it is mocking me mercilessly. Can you hear it? Listen close to the raspy little sucker – ‘Welford is that you? Can’t even fix me can you? You pathetic excuse for a man! I have reduced you to a wasted hour of failed attempts, fits of fury, and more swear words than you have used in the last year! Mwhahahaha!’
After my third attempt to apply the stupid patches I picked up the tube of rubber cement to see if I was missing some vital instruction. ‘IRRITANT!’ the side of the tube boldly proclaimed. ‘You’re not kidding’ I thought, as I launched it across the garage.
In that moment I was a mix of anger and despair. Anger because despite following the instructions it still didn’t work, and despair at being reminded that here was another simple task I could not perform. While my friend, God bless him, who has just moved in down the road is building shelves from old drawers, painting the house from top to bottom, working shifts and looking after two kids under three, I was struggling to patch a hole the size of a pinprick. And if I couldn’t do that, in what other arenas would I fail to live up to my designation as a man? I have already failed to provide my wife with a child, she is the main breadwinner, and my lack of DIY nous means I am relegated to performing even simpler chores such as hoovering, ironing and emptying the dishwasher.
And as I dismantle my person so effectively, there, sat on the work bench is Jesus. He’s not said anything, he doesn’t need to. He’s just waiting, waiting for me to turn and face Him, to receive His comfort, to let Him meet my needs, to let Him reaffirm me, not in the image I have taken on, not in the mantle of the world, but in the way He created me, in His image, in the robes of the King.
Sounds good.
For Christian men looking for a bit of a push, or something to get your teeth into check out the code at codelife.org
David W - United Kingdom said:
Have you checked that there is nothing sharp embedded in the tyre that caused the original puncture and needs to be removed to prevent repeated punctures?
Nick said:
It’s never been the same place – I remember you teaching me to check. This last one was on the underside of the tyre, the rubber protecting it from the spoke joiners had come loose.
David W - United Kingdom said:
Oh and BTW. God did not create us all to be masters of DIY. You have many unique gifts that are already evident and perhaps some that you do not even realise yet. Not to mention the calling on your life, which you have followed in obedience with a willingness that in itself is a gift.
David W - United Kingdom said:
and James is only just learning how to ride a bike!
Pop Thy Collar said:
I’ve read this blog since the beginning and this is your best post yet.
Humour, truth and brutal honesty. Top work!
Nick said:
Thanks mate. I meant to say to you in that email that if I hadn’t found your blog through comments on the CVM blog, I probably wouldn’t have got my act in gear and this one would be left with that one initial post.
So in a way you created me (I so want to launch into the Batman line here…)
Stuart said:
Nick,
Sensible me says that I wouldn’t even attempt to fix and would blatantly take the easy option and buy a new one even though I can fix a puncture!!
Non-sensible me says Jesus could only walk on water, whereas you say you’re upset that you are reduced the ‘simple chore of HOVERING!’
Take your pick dude and keep the faith! (Bon Jovi reference for good measure!)
Pop Thy Collar said:
Oh my goodness! Can you actually buy replacement inner tubes?
Last time I had a puncture I had to buy a new bike!!
Just kidding. You hope.
@ Nick 21.51 – well after your email you’ll be pleased to know I’ve just posted again, so thanks for the encouragement… (don’t feel obliged to read it though ha ha!)
snowgood said:
Sorry – I claim to be the most useless DIYer and puncture repairer in the whole world. Don’t be too hard on yourself, thinks of the gifts you have.
Oh by the way, my tyre finally told the truth after about a year of ill fated tube repairs. It wasn’t the tube, it was the valve which was faulty…..
Stephen
Steve said:
I’ll give you a free lesson sometime Nick, it’s easy when you know…
Matt @ The Church of No People said:
Hey Nick, thanks for commenting on my blog! Great to make your acquaintance. I must admit that although I am learning DIY, I don’t like to share my exploits with my father-in-law, lest I reveal just how much of an amateur non-man I am. You can take solace in you cake baking that “Ace of Cakes” is all about a cake baker, and a rather manly one too. Happy blogging, man. See you around.
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