I believe in miracles.
I could have written that six months ago and it would have been perfectly true but as I write it today, I know it’s true. I feel it’s true. It is my experience that it is true. Six months ago it would have been more of a theory than a reality, something I knew I should see more of, but had I seen any? I’m not sure.
Four years ago Anna and I started trying for a baby. It didn’t happen and in August 2008, just before my 28th birthday, our worst fears were confirmed – an operation I’d had as a child had left me with a dramatically reduced sperm count. The first Doctor to inform us was obviously not practised at giving bad news and muttered something about an occasional sperm without looking away from his computer screen, while my world fell apart.
We looked into a few options but over time it became clear that IVF was the route we needed to take if the baby was to be made from bits of both of us. We prayed and prayed about this decision asking God if it was the right thing to do, if it was ethical, and God remained silent, to our ears at least. You might think this seems harsh but I believe He was being sensitive to our needs and letting us make the decision ourselves, taking into account all He has already taught us.
To go into it all would take to long, and I’m writing this today aware that I haven’t posted yet this weekend, but to summerize – Found out I have a low sperm count, looked at options – IVF not funded, look at other options, time passes, other options don’t pan out, God starts calling Nick away from his safe reasonably paid job, find out IVF will be funded from April 2010, get referred, funding delayed, leave job work for Church unsure of wage, IVF funded, ,Church raises more than enough money to pay me, go through all the tests again, find out we are go go go in November.
Along the way various people have felt drawn to the verse ‘He will give you the desires of your hearts’ and shared it with us. Three people separately have had pictures of Anna pregnant and with a child. And most amazing to me three weeks ago after we had chosen the name Masie for a girl, right in the middle of the IVF procedures, we found out that Masie means ‘wished for child’.
So here we are December 4th, the day after our scheduled pregnancy test. It’s all gone remarkably well, mini miracles have happened along the way – such as being told we’d only get a chance at two eggs and actually being able to get five, to having one of those five transferred to Anna. At that point, I felt we’d given it a reasonable shot, that if it failed at any point from now we’d know, we’d look at adoption. But right now your not interested in that are you? Well… we are pregnant.
Thank you for your prayers, please continue to pray. It is early, early days, but we decided from the start that we would not hide this part of our journey but share it so as many people as possible could pray, and pray you have. I don’t often use words like blessed but that is actually how we have felt as we have communicated with friends and family along the way. You are part of our journey. And should this baby see the light of day, it’s going to have an awfully big family.
God has repeatedly reminded me that He works for the good, that He knows what he is doing. Certainly if we had been pregnant when I worked in the police I probably wouldn’t even have considered the job at the church. We don’t know what the future holds, but from now on we can pray confidently for our baby, and give it every chance possible.