Heather Joy runs Grow Up! Where she posts regularly through the gifts of writing and video logs! As you can see from this post she is willing to be open, honest and vulnerable. Which we could all learn from! If you enjoy this post then I highly recommend you clicking the link to go and read more!
There are times when I feel like gazing up at the sky and saying, “God… You asked me to tell you the desires of my heart, but what’s the point? What does it matter if You’re not going to listen to me?”
That’s what I was doing recently. I was pointing my boney, little index finger at Father and questioning His will with my own reasoning. “God, I’ve being praying and fasting about this… I was serious – very serious… and all You can say in return is ‘no’?”
On the outside I was calm and in control; on the inside I was fuming and hurt. I felt like all the brutally honest prayers and desperate pleas I had brought to the Lord in the days and months prior to His answer had all been ignored. “God, if You were going to say no, why didn’t You just say it months ago and spare me from all these emotions…?”
And God is silent.
I tell God if that’s the game He wants to play, I’m in. And I give God the silent treatment. (I know, immature.)
I go through these phases where I “know” exactly what God should be doing, and then when He doesn’t do it, I get an attitude. When, in all reality, it’s not God that’s wrong… it’s me. Obviously, what I thought I “knew” was God’s will wasn’t actually His intentions at all. Not even a little bit.
So then I punish myself.
I get all down on myself and I lock myself away in my room and read boring books and tell myself how pathetic I am and make myself listen to depressing music and write stupid run-on sentences. It usually takes me a few hours (sometimes days) to turn the corner and get real – get real with myself and with God.
I mentioned earlier that a disappointment happened recently in my life. Something I was “sure” was God’s will… but it wasn’t. I’m making progress because I didn’t give God the silent treatment. Instead, I tried something new – I didn’t let my emotions get the best of me. I fell on my face and prayed. Hard. Really hard. I asked for peace and for understanding and for faith.
And then I asked Him what was going to be next. “Where do I go from here…? What should I do now, God?”
And I heard Him speak – gently, purposefully: “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Ps. 46:10a, KJV)
My job is to trust. My job is to remain faithful to Father. My job is to be still.
And God will handle all the rest… because He’s God, and He specializes in the impossible. He “is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think.” (Eph. 3:20a, KJV)
What are you praying for?
Are you in a tough spot right now?
How are you reacting to it?
What is God teaching you through it?