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Sometimes facts are subject to perspective. When I was a toddler my Dad came into the hallway where I was playing with my toy rabbit in one hand and a freshly ripped chunk of wallpaper in the other. I apparently looked from the wallpaper to the now bare wall to the rabbit in my other hand and said ‘Bunny did it’. I suspect the reality of what happened in that hallway has been lost forever.

When we get to the point where we feel there is something specific we need to talk with a person about it is very important to not place the facts above the facts of feelings. What I mean by this is that you will both have an opinion on what went down, and you will both feel that the way you saw events is the true nature of what happened, but there is one problem. You are both seeing this from your own eyes. Instead it is much better to focus on the facts of your feelings – both of you.

If someone has upset you or angered you, when you talk to them focus initially on these feelings, after all these are usually the only irrefutable parts of your argument. By saying to someone ‘When you did this it made me feel like this’ instead of ‘You did this and you were totally out of order!’ you give them permission to talk about their feelings too, you move the discussion from what can be argued about to what can be talked about. Sometimes the facts of feelings are more important than the ‘facts’.

John 13:34-35 ““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.””