There is a preacher thing in my family. My eighty-four year old father is a preacher and is still preaching. …
The thing is I always forget that it’s broke until the very second I have let it go, and as it loudly crashes into the seat I have a moment of frustration at my every decreasing capacity to remember important things like this. This unique phenomena doesn’t affect me anywhere else, I am not a habitual toilet seat slammer. I generally assume that other people aren’t as up to date in loo seat technology as I am and place their seats gently down. But my seat was designed to be dropped! It was drop proof! I had become so used to it, that now it is hard to unlearn what I had learnt! It is hard to form a new habit.
My life story is littered with examples like this, where I thought I knew best. Rather than learning this lesson, I seem to be stuck repeating the same mistakes, but sadly on a bigger scale each time.
My problem was how? How do I do life well? How can I live a life that pleases God? It must be possible, the bible talks about people who please Him. I found little success. I’d been taught that grace was only about being forgiven. Forgiveness is awesome, but on its own it can be a fresh start ready to be messed up again. My gratitude for God’s forgiveness didn’t seem to achieve much more than good intentions.
For so long I have seen the example of Jesus as unattainable, a perfect ideal that I can never reach until heaven, and I still know that this is true, but Jesus words haunt me. He said that we would see and do greater things than He had. How is that possible when we are human and He is God?
To be honest I didn’t and I don’t want to know why, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to come up with reasons why this may have happened, as I fear it is risking insanity. Also I cannot ignore how God responded to Job when he asked why after grief far greater than mine. So I don’t ask why, but I do feel the temptation to sink.
A bonus post for you this Monday the link below will take you to the talk I delivered at church last night it’s only a link at present but I will try and embed it soon! So if you fancy listening to my thoughts rather than just reading them and you have a spare 30 minutes (sorry a little bit too long!) hit the link:
In that moment I was a mix of anger and despair. Anger because despite following the instructions it still didn’t work, and despair at being reminded that here was another simple task I could not perform. While my friend, God bless him, who has just moved in down the road is building shelves from old drawers, painting the house from top to bottom, working shifts and looking after two kids under three, I was struggling to patch a hole the size of a pinprick. And if I couldn’t do that, in what other arenas would I fail to live up to my designation as a man? I have already failed to provide my wife with a child, she is the main breadwinner, my lack of DIY nous means I am relegated to performing even simpler chores such as hovering, ironing and emptying the dishwasher.
The time came for questions from the floor and I, still seething, slowly raised my hand. ‘You say that faith is a crutch for the weak’ I aimed directly between his God denying eyes, ‘But you have a faith, you might not call it God, but you believe in something – does that make you weak?’ Revelling in my quick witted challenge I sat down, while all atheist boy could mutter was ‘Good one.’